Pyramid of Poop

Um… So I know I promised a poop post. And after thinking about it, I regret my announcement at the end of my last post saying that I would write one. It is pretty disgusting and I’m sure it would put people off…

But, after all, a promise is a promise. Just stop reading now if you find poop thoroughly disgusting and/or have a weak stomach.

The first thing I would like to address, before we discuss other poop, is dog poop.

The other day, I was sitting on my front steps just enjoying the nice weather, when suddenly I smelled something terrible. Stung the nostrils. And about 4ft away from me was an almost steaming pile of dung (I assume it was of dog). No joke when I say it must have been a big dog too.

Now, I don’t want to overreact – but COME ON. Really?

Is it really that hard to take a plastic bag and pick up the poop and throw it in the garbage? I clean up my 2 bunnies’ poop everyday. And they definitely poop more than you think they do. Probably similar in volume to a dog.

I understand you (the poop dog walker) are probably walking your dog in the morning. You’re tired, lazy, forgot the plastic bag. But if you’re gonna let your dog poop on my lawn, at least make him poop closer to the street and farther away from my house and front steps (where I like to sit and enjoy the weather). Now I cannot even sit on my own porch because of this smell and sight. And I am determined not to clean up someone else’s poop. You, poop dog walker, are going to have to see it and smell it every time you pass our house (until it decomposes).

And if I ever find out who you are, I will follow you to your house, wait until you go inside… then I will poop on your lawn and leave you a note saying:

Dear poop-dog walker,
HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

Sincerely,
Me

It would be foolish of me to sign my real name right? Yeah… I think so.

One of my first blog posts ever was about poop. It got the most views out of all my posts. It was for this reason (and some external inspiration) that I decided to write another poop post.

My Poop Story

I used to think I had no poop stories. However, when we were camping, my mom made me tell people about a poop experience I had a few years ago.

So here I am to share it. Stop now if you do not like poop stories.

A few years ago, my family and I went to Seattle for vacation. We were driving from the city to the coast and we were in the middle of nowhere.

And I had to go to the bathroom. I didn’t have to poop, just #1.

Anyways, we stopped at the first place we saw. It was a little area with a few shops and a guy selling tie dye clothes out of a bus. We asked where the bathroom was, and I went over to it. I believe it was like a deluxe port-o-potty w/ a toilet and a sink inside, but it doesn’t flush. So I had to go REAL bad. But what I saw almost made me turn around and tell my family I have to go somewhere else.

There, in the toilet was a pyramid of poop. NO JOKE. I can’t imagine when the last time they emptied to toilet was… The top of the pyramid-o-poop was almost even with the toilet seat. Trust me, if you wanted to touch it (though I can’t imagine why you would want to), you would have no problem. Not only was the visual disturbing, but the smell was terrible as well. It was disgusting.

Just so you get a better understanding of what I experienced, I have created an accurate illustration.

The visual was so overwhelming, but my mom urged me to just go to the bathroom (note, she had not seen the pyramid at this point). So I went. But I didn’t sit down. That’s for sure. I almost cried. It’s okay though, it makes for a good story.

poop pyramid = bad times

Speaking of pyramids, this song has been stuck in my head the past couple days.

One thing’s for sure. The word “pyramid”, to me, will NEVER just mean a large stone tomb in Egypt.

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