Pyramid of Poop

Um… So I know I promised a poop post. And after thinking about it, I regret my announcement at the end of my last post saying that I would write one. It is pretty disgusting and I’m sure it would put people off…

But, after all, a promise is a promise. Just stop reading now if you find poop thoroughly disgusting and/or have a weak stomach.

The first thing I would like to address, before we discuss other poop, is dog poop.

The other day, I was sitting on my front steps just enjoying the nice weather, when suddenly I smelled something terrible. Stung the nostrils. And about 4ft away from me was an almost steaming pile of dung (I assume it was of dog). No joke when I say it must have been a big dog too.

Now, I don’t want to overreact – but COME ON. Really?

Is it really that hard to take a plastic bag and pick up the poop and throw it in the garbage? I clean up my 2 bunnies’ poop everyday. And they definitely poop more than you think they do. Probably similar in volume to a dog.

I understand you (the poop dog walker) are probably walking your dog in the morning. You’re tired, lazy, forgot the plastic bag. But if you’re gonna let your dog poop on my lawn, at least make him poop closer to the street and farther away from my house and front steps (where I like to sit and enjoy the weather). Now I cannot even sit on my own porch because of this smell and sight. And I am determined not to clean up someone else’s poop. You, poop dog walker, are going to have to see it and smell it every time you pass our house (until it decomposes).

And if I ever find out who you are, I will follow you to your house, wait until you go inside… then I will poop on your lawn and leave you a note saying:

Dear poop-dog walker,
HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

Sincerely,
Me

It would be foolish of me to sign my real name right? Yeah… I think so.

One of my first blog posts ever was about poop. It got the most views out of all my posts. It was for this reason (and some external inspiration) that I decided to write another poop post.

My Poop Story

I used to think I had no poop stories. However, when we were camping, my mom made me tell people about a poop experience I had a few years ago.

So here I am to share it. Stop now if you do not like poop stories.

A few years ago, my family and I went to Seattle for vacation. We were driving from the city to the coast and we were in the middle of nowhere.

And I had to go to the bathroom. I didn’t have to poop, just #1.

Anyways, we stopped at the first place we saw. It was a little area with a few shops and a guy selling tie dye clothes out of a bus. We asked where the bathroom was, and I went over to it. I believe it was like a deluxe port-o-potty w/ a toilet and a sink inside, but it doesn’t flush. So I had to go REAL bad. But what I saw almost made me turn around and tell my family I have to go somewhere else.

There, in the toilet was a pyramid of poop. NO JOKE. I can’t imagine when the last time they emptied to toilet was… The top of the pyramid-o-poop was almost even with the toilet seat. Trust me, if you wanted to touch it (though I can’t imagine why you would want to), you would have no problem. Not only was the visual disturbing, but the smell was terrible as well. It was disgusting.

Just so you get a better understanding of what I experienced, I have created an accurate illustration.

The visual was so overwhelming, but my mom urged me to just go to the bathroom (note, she had not seen the pyramid at this point). So I went. But I didn’t sit down. That’s for sure. I almost cried. It’s okay though, it makes for a good story.

poop pyramid = bad times

Speaking of pyramids, this song has been stuck in my head the past couple days.

One thing’s for sure. The word “pyramid”, to me, will NEVER just mean a large stone tomb in Egypt.

CAMPANG + s’mores

First thing’s first. Did you know that the “Chocolate Rain” video by Tay Zonday has 52 million views on youtube. 52. Crazy right? Who would have guessed that a video of a man with a surprisingly low singing voice, who moves away from the mic when he breathes in, would be viewed over and over again 52 million times? (I also just added a view myself)

I better get in on this. Make some videos that’ll attract 52 million views.

Just kidding. You wish. It would be too overwhelming for you.

Campang.

Every year, my extended family goes on a camping trip. Not stay-in-cabins-with-running-water-and-showers camping, but tent-sleep-on-the-ground-and-drive-to-running-water camping. Yes, there are bugs. Yes, we make our own fires and set up our own tents and sweat and get dirty all day. But it is one of my most favorite events of the year.

We honestly just eat, chill, and play softball all weekend. Some of the best weekends ever.

Also, Kelli made these crazy cupcakes!! So yummy too! Rainbow cupcakes!

We also play a lot of games (i.e. Scrabble, any card game, baggo (bags), etc). But this is the first year I played Killer Bunnies (confusing, but once you get it, its fun) and Quelf (CRAZY game. so much fun). And of course, half of the people that go are young adults, meaning someone had to bring materials for beer pong. -.- My mom played for the first time ever… and drained the first 4 cups no problem.

Besides all the games we play, I also enjoy roasting a good marshmallow. After a lifetime of camping experience, I can now roast the perfect marshmallow. In addition to this, I have perfected the art of making s’mores. [sidenote: I hate the word s'more. It sounds incredibly lame. It definitely does not adequately describe the yummy goodness it really is.] In case you are unfamiliar:

S’more: A US snack made by toasting a marshmallow on a bonfire and pressing it between two pieces of Graham cracker with a square of Hershey’s chocolate.

So a couple years ago, I tasted a s’more and thought to myself… hmm this isn’t quite complete. What can I do to improve this treat?

Because I love you all so much, I will share with you my secret technique. Don’t try to steal it and say you made it up. It’s patented.

The Perfect S’more

You need a marshmallow, fire, stick (for roasting), graham crackers, Hershey’s chocolate, and a secret material (I shall reveal later).

Place the marshmallow on the end of the stick and find a spot by the fire. It is best to roast the mallow by the embers (glowing coal) rather than the flames. You can control it much more easily and your mallow is less likely to catch fire. Slowly rotate the stick so that all sides of the mallow are exposed to the heat. Remember to check the mallow often.

This is a FAIL. If your marshmallow looks like this… there is no hope. Just start over.

After a short time, unless you already burned it, the mallow should be a golden brown color. It is now ready.

Now here is where my secret technique comes in.

Leave the marshmallow on the stick.
Take out the graham crackers (2 pieces) and a piece (about 3 sections) of the Hershey’s bar and place it around the toasted marshmallow.

Then, while it is still on the stick, take a piece of aluminum foil (the secret material haha) and wrap it around the whole treat.
So if you did it right, the whole s’more should be wrapped up in foil and still on the stick.
Now, put the foil wrapped s’more back near the embers. You are now trying to heat and slightly melt the chocolate.

This may take a few minutes to do this, but believe me – tis worth the wait.
When you check the s’more and see that the chocolate is melted and warmed to your liking, you now have an amazing s’more ready to go. And it’s easy clean up because the foil acts as a sort of container/plate.

YUM.

And that’s it. It’s easy to do, just hard to explain. You should try it, and let me know how it goes.

Preview for next post: I will be discussing a slightly disgusting aspect of camping. But you know, I thought that since the very early post I did about poop got so many views and comments, I would bring it back a little.