Ding Ddongs and Poo Tales

So I guess this blogging thing is going to become somewhat regular… I hope that the like 3 people that actually read my posts continue to do so. I write ONLY for you.

Ddong Chiem and some BDS

I attend school at a large university, and here, there is a pretty large Asian population. The church I attend has a great number of Korean members. So naturally, I am mistaken for being Korean a LOT. (Sidenote: my freshman year, a girl from my church small group kept talking to me in Korean, even when I told her that I did not understand what she was saying. She honestly thought I was kidding her… until she read my last name like a month after we met…) My Korean friend, Jane, and I decided to teach each other some phrases (she taught me Korean and I taught her Japanese). So during my time here, I have accumulated a few useful phrases and words, such as:

geureh (okay/yeah)

begopah (I’m hungry)

jugulle?? (You wanna die??)

BUT, the most important Korean word that I have probably ever learned is…
ddong (poop)

It is interesting the role that ddong plays in Korean culture. In case you are unaware, there is something called ddong chim/chiem (yeah, kinda like the chiem from my previous post). It literally means “poop needle” or “poo acupuncture”. It involves the act of forming your hands in the shape of something sharp, approaching an unsuspecting victim from behind, yelling “DDONG CHIEM!!”, and poking the victim hard in the bootay. This also exists in the Japanese culture. It is the same process, but instead of saying “ddong chiem” you say “KANCHO!!”. Yes, it is extremely unpleasant, but it is quite a common practice.

There are many other ways that the word ddong is used. Recently, I heard about something called “BDS”. BDS stands for: Burning Ddonggomong Sensation, or Burning Poohole Sensation (or as Jane calls it: Spicy Poo). You have experienced it at some time in your life, I promise. It could have been after eating a surplus amount of hot cheetos, some rough sloppy joes, etc. But it hurt, and you swore never to eat that food again… until its offered, then you eat it, and the cycle continues.

Stool Tales

I told my friend, Jerry, what the subject of my new blog post was. And he sent me this picture in hopes that I would use it. So I will.

If I had to guess, I would say that type 3 seems the most normal type of poop. But I don’t know… maybe “normal” is different for everyone. I just hope that type 7 is not normal for you. That would be horrible.

To be frank, I think poo is one of the most interesting things to talk about. One reason why is because EVERYONE understands, they have experienced it all too. Some people are very open about their fecal anecdotes, while others are more reserved and uncomfortable when it comes down to it. But I mean, it’s a completely natural process, so why not empathize with each other’s toilet woes? Recently, some friends and I were discussing poo stories and some of them were really interesting…

One friend was on his way going home from school which was 45 minutes away walking. He felt like he had a fart coming on, and he released. Unfortunately, it was not only a fart, but it also included something else – it was a shart. And he had to waddle into the library.

Oh Calvin… during high school, he had the sloppy joes for lunch. Delicious right? Well not long after eating, he urgently needed to go to the bathroom. He went into the far stall, believing that no one would use the stall right next to him. As he was gettin his business done, his (tall) friend walked in (because of his height, he was able to see Calvin’s face) and went into the stall right next to Calvin… During his 4 “waves” of type 5-7, his friend says: “Sloppy joes must have been bad, huh?” crap… (literally)

Another friend described his experience after coming home from a retreat. He was stuck in the bathroom for a looong while having 18 “waves” of diarrhea (probably types 6 and/or 7 from the chart)… he counted. Amazing. I don’t think I would be in my right mind to be able to count the waves…

My friend David, shared a traumatizing story from his elementary school days. He was taking a poop in a stall where the doors don’t go all the way down to the floor. While he was relieving himself, a special ed student came into the bathroom and crawled under the stall door so that he was standing inside the stall, just watching David poop…

Finally, I could not end this post without sharing some of Leo’s stories. Leo has poo stories of arguably the greatest quantity and quality. I will share a few of them here:

1. When he was in 6th grade, he was playing tennis with his brother while he was sick. He pooped his pants. He told me this story before I met him… GREAT first impression. We have been friends ever since.
2. While he was in his apartment, he pooped, fainted, and busted his lip. All while he was “buck naked”.
3. Leo was on a road trip with his family and his brother pooed his pants in the car. His parents then went on to tell Leo to take off his shirt. He was quite confused, but complied. They used his shirt to clean his brother’s poo… what sacrifice.

I know that almost everyone has a poop story. It’s really something that you don’t have to keep to yourself. So if you feel compelled, PLEASE share in a comment. If you are embarrassed, you do not have to write your name, but I think it would be nice to share some poo stories with one another. There is no story too lame or too gross. Seriously. Actually when I hear other people’s stories, my poo doesn’t seem too bad. These experiences are unique to you. Take pride in your poo mayn.

My friends went on a photo shoot today. I took a picture of them spelling ‘poop’ with their shadows. I also wrote a post on poop. If that’s not destiny, I don’t know what is.