The Hierarchy Headlock

I would like to start by saying that I am writing this post from a Starbucks. I went along with Tyrus to work because I get so bored at home. He made me some fancy drink like an egg nog chai or something. It was yum. So, I’m feelin kinda artsy and creative sitting here. Thus I shall begin.

I like to create some sort of link between my posts, just so there’s a sense of continuity. And I wanted to branch off a little bit from owning, I think an appropriate topic would be: bullies. Everyone knows of one, whether you were bullied or not. Perhaps you were the bully. Grammar school – stealing lunch money and pudding… those were the days.

Apparently, bullying is a huge problem nowadays, especially in schools. They actually made a game centered around bullying. It is creatively titled:
Bully.

The game is created by Rockstar Games (same guys who made Grand Theft Auto). Basically in this Bully game you play Jimmy who, at the beginning of the game, is dropped off at a boarding school. Everyone there wants to beat him up, so he has no choice but to fight back. And the purpose of the game is to become the head honcho of the school by bullying. Interesting. He even gets to use weapons like itching powder, a slingshot, and eventually a bottle rocket launcher. Nice.

Yeah, I wouldn’t mind trying this game out sometime, just to see what it’s like. It has been pretty controversial, and it’s banned in some countries. But I think, if kids can channel their aggression into a game rather than other children, then its a win. BUT, then again, this game is rated Teen – meaning that the teens who are channeling their aggression into this game have probably already beat up/bullied dozens of kids already and maybe this game is just giving them more ideas. Maybe. I think I read somewhere that Jimmy is also supposed to kiss other guys in the game as well…

SO in conclusion, it really seems like a quality quality game for children.

My Glory Days

Some of you may know this already, but as a young me, I was a bully. No joke. There were several people I beat up during my childhood. The victims of the beatings were always boys. But I’m pretty sure I was mean to girls too. For example, my family tells me that when I was a youngin (prob about 3), I always hit my cousin Kai (who is a year older than me). Along with hitting him with my hands on a regular basis: one time I pushed him down and he hit his head on the corner of a coffee table. Another time, I hit him hard over the head with a telephone.

One word: hardcore. He still lives in fear to this day.

I also used to hang out with some family friends from the neighborhood. One day, when I was probably about 4 or 5, a couple of my guy buddies came over for a play date, while the parents chatted in the other room. I didn’t like how one of them pet my cat, so naturally, I proceeded to throw him to the ground. lol. [I remember this clearly in my mind.] I felt completely justified in my actions.

Then the two boys proceeded to threaten me, explaining that they would tell on me. Then I, in order to escape this event, said “sorry”. Then one of them said to me “sorry is not good enough”. Now I don’t know where he learned that line, but I know in my head I was thinking “This is ridiculous. WTH? Sorry isn’t enough??” Well it was not those words exactly, but it was something like that.

That was the closest I ever got to being an MMA fighter.

Now these are just a few stories (I also used to take toys from other kids in preschool and I would also scare my cousin Jenny, every chance I got. We also actually have a home video of my other cousin, Nick, saying “MARI, DON’T HIT ME”). My parents were pretty embarrassed with my actions. I’m sure they thought that my actions reflected the quality of their parenting.

Those were my glory days. Luckily, for my parents, this phase was temporary. Since then, I have calmed down quite a bit. I think all of my aggression was utilized that time. Now, I very rarely get into verbal arguments with others, let alone physical fights. [But I have always wondered how well I would do if I got into a fight. Perhaps the inner beast would awaken and I would own.]

If YOUR child is the bully:

One thing I find interesting is that all of the special ABC and PBS programs on bullying describe how to protect your own child from a bully. And I understand there is a need for that information. But what are you supposed to do if your child is a bully? Like my parents situation. They weren’t terrible parents. They definitely did everything they could. But my pwn-like nature was just too overwhelming.

My theory is that I lost my desire to own everyone because… my parents had my brother. He was born when I was almost 4. It took a little time for me to be completely subdued. But I did stop bullying eventually. I believe my bulliness peaked before he was born, then slowly declined. I no longer had to prove my dominance over my peers, but now I actually have legitimate authority over at least one person forever: my brother.

I don’t even need to bully him to prove it. I just know it deep down within.

I’ll always be higher on the ‘food chain’:  the straight flush to his high card, the Friday night to his Monday morning, the flash drive to his floppy disk, the Charizard to his Bulbasaur, put plainly – I will always have him in a hierarchy headlock. And you can take that to the bank.

So my advice to people with children that are bullies: have more kids. (and hope that those children are not bullies as well)

p.s. Please don’t take my advice seriously. That might be a disaster. Thanks.

Let’s Friend Each Other. k?

Yesterday I got a new phone. I really like it with its touch screen and all. It’s pretty fancy compared to the first cell phone I had in 7th grade with its black and green screen and had “snake” on it. I kind of miss those old snake days… good game.  good times. Now I can surf the web and explore goodies like that.

Within the past 10 years, technology has advanced so much, it’s pretty ridiculous. People have found other ways to communicate. It’s no longer calling someone up on the phone or meeting for ice cream at the corner. We have things like Xanga, myspace, facebook, etc.  I participated in xanga during like 6-8th grade. And I deleted it last year because I was so embarrassed about the things I have written. -.- I am sad that I actually deleted it now. I wanted to look back on the lost loves and seemingly terrible times, and be able to laugh at myself. That was incriminating stuff. I have a friend (a dance battling one…) that actually wrote poems on his xanga. cute. [although they were actually kind of emo]

People using the internet hide many things that they feel are undesirable traits. When you hide behind your computer screen, you’re safe. Which is why you feel more comfortable talking to some certain people on aim rather than on the phone or in person. You can look as crappy as you want and no one would know (unless you are video chatting). It is a great time.

You know, it’s interesting because people try to create themselves in a positive light using things like facebook and myspace. You only use attractive or funny pictures as your profile (although some prefer the ‘dreamy’ self portraits, or mirror shots as shown):

These are pretty extreme examples. [I did not take/participate in the creation of these pictures. I just googled "typical myspace picture" and these came up. lol.] I actually feel kind of embarrassed looking at these. What have the teenagers of this world become? sigh. I guess folding your shirt up and sticking out your tongue with your girlfriends, then taking a picture of it in the bathroom, is the new attractive…

Unfriends

You know, one reason why I like technology is because it has become so accessible to everyone and it’s a norm. It’s completely normal to sign up for a networking website in which you can list your interests, contact info, connect with people you kind of don’t know. I won’t lie. I have a Facebook. And I am friends with some people who I don’t know well. Hopefully they won’t rob me.

Facebook claims that it is, above all, a “social networking website”. And yes, I use facebook to socially network. I’m sure some of you have added some acquaintances that you have met once or twice. There is nothing wrong with that.

Except, one time, I was facebook friends with this one girl. We met a couple times, but we were by no means main squeezes. We had a lot of friends in common though, and she decided to request my friendship on facebook – so I accepted. Once in a while I would take a look at her facebook page. You know, see what she’s been up to lately… see if there’s a new profile picture, look at the recent statuses, check some wall-to-walls (just kidding). One day, I thought I might check up on her. So I went to her facebook page, and I was denied access. I was so confused, until I realized… she had un-friended me. Saddest day ever. Why would anyone not want to be friends with me?? Did I forget to ‘like’ your new photo album or wish you a happy birthday along with the gazillion other people on facebook that day? boo.

This incident kind of hurt my feelings. But I think I have somewhat recovered from this vicious rejection.

Facebook Addict?

Did you know that the New Oxford American Dictionary announced its 2009 Word of the Year? You wanna know what it is? unfriend. (personally I have always used the term ‘defriend’, and people have been debating this. but thats another story)

This goes to show how central online social networking has become in our lives. Apparently we can be addicted to facebook now as well.

These are the 5 signs of facebook addiction. Let me know how you measure up:

1. You are losing sleep because of it
2. You spend more time of facebook than you intend
3. You become obsessed with old loves (you become so obsessed that you leave current relationships, etc)
4. You ignore work in favor of facebook
   AND, my personal favorite:
5. The thought of logging off leaves you in a cold sweat

Here is the video describing the 5 signs in case you are interested.

Honestly, I have probably done like 3 or 4 out of these five signs. Stupid cold sweats… I’m pretty sure almost everyone who uses facebook regularly has at least one time postponed their work or sacrificed a bit of sleep for 10 more minutes of facebook, which they didn’t “intend” when they first logged in. Apparently, I am addicted to facebook. crap. I’ll be posting times soon for some FBA meetings (facebook anonymous). It’ll give you a chance to ‘socially network’ with other facebook addicts. woo. (Then you can friend them when you get home.)

Everyone Loves a Good PWN

Wake up in the morning feelin like P Diddy
Grab my glasses, I’m out the door – I’m gonna hit this city

That song is stuck in my head. So catchy.  tik tok – ke$ha
It’s not really quality music… like I am pretty sure I could have made this song just as good, but it makes me want to dance in place. That’s always a plus.

POOP (continued for a bit)

I got some great feedback from my last post on poo. I am so glad to hear that people are just as interested as I am in this subject. Thanks to everyone who shared their stories with me! It made the post da best. FRRL.  I wanted to share one story that I heard after the post was made:

When my friend, Kim, was much younger she was swimming in a pool. All of a sudden, she had the urge to #2. Thinking it was a little one, she proceeded to “go” while she was still in the pool. No one would notice. She turned around and saw a LOG (approx. 1ft long) floating in the water. She picked up her poo log, got out of the pool, and carried it over to a recycling bin. She threw the poop in the bin and then jumped back in the pool. Like nothing happened. What would you do if you pooped in a pool? Pick it up and throw it out in the nearest recycling receptacle? I would hope so.

She also informed me about something called “fecal bacteriotherapy” aka fecal transfusion/fecal transplant. Basically someone donates their poop that is to be injected into someone else’s booty… amazing. Not even I thought of something like that.

OWNED. thus begins the new post.

There is something that I realized while watching movies of various types (and living life). I enjoy watching people get owned.

owned:

1. literal: belonging to oneself or itself (usually used after a possessive to emphasize the idea of ownership, interest, or relation conveyed by the possessive)
2. urbandictionary: To be made a fool of; To make a fool of; To confound or prove wrong; embarrasing someone: Being embarrassed. I owned you in counter-strike. You were owned at the party yesterday.

It’s not that I don’t sympathize with people, I really do. But sometimes you just can’t help it when you see someone get what you think they deserve.

Do you watch movies? I hope so. There are some pretty good ones. Anyways, I was trying to think of a good ‘owning’ example. GLADIATOR. I actually saw this movie this past summer for the first time. amazing.

In case you have never seen this movie, this is a quick summary [SPOILER ALERT]:
So Russell Crowe is a general of a Roman army whom Emperor decides to appoint as the next leader (instead of the emperor’s son, Joaquin Pheonix). When Joaquin finds this out he get pissed, kills his own father the emperor, and orders the execution of Russell and his family. Russell, because of his cleverness escapes (without Joaquin knowing), but his family dies. Some time later in Rome, Joaquin hosts the gladiator games. Russell, ends up in Rome as a gladiator – designed to be killed for show. But he totally OWNS in the games. And Joaquin (the new emperor) is impressed, so he comes down to meet this amazing ‘gladiator’. Russell (Maximus) reveals his identity. This is one of my favorite parts (you can start watching at like 1:15):

“My name is Maximus Demicus Meridius… and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.”
Then the emperor wants to kill Russell (Maximus) but he can’t because the people of Rome want him to live. OWNED. (also, Maximus kills the emperor in the end. DOUBLE OWNED. sorry if I ruined it for you). [end of spoilerrr]

Here’s another short, easy example:

She gets OWNED by the ground… trying to be cool and all. I don’t know, maybe you feel really bad for her instead. I mean, someone can get owned without it being funny I guess. But that is usually not the case. Normally, its pretty funny when someone gets owned. I do feel kind of bad… but my laugh reflex is much stronger when I watch this 10 times in a row. Don’t judge me please.

Dance Battling & PWNing

When you ‘own’ you could also just be AMAZING at something. That works. I LOVE watching dance battles. really. Have you seen Stomp the Yard? lol, probably not a prime example. But the first dance battle is pretty sick. You are not required to watch, but it enhances the experience. (sorry. video overload today. and yes, the video is in spanish. lol)

In order to battle successfully, or own in general, I feel like you need to have a LOT of confidence. For example, my friend Doug, believes that he OWNS at dancing. lol. forreal.

Doug: “sorry mari, i don’t know mercy on the dance floor.”

Apparently, back in the day he was the dance king at the local college town bars. He claims he is undefeated (unowned). I, personally, have never seen him dance battle – but I would like to. And he also threatened to kill my bunny Godfather style. So if you wanna do some battling – challenge Doug. pwn him please.

Oh, by the way, the word ‘pwn’ has its origins in the pc gaming world. Pwn basically means the same thing as ‘own’. It was a typo made by a map designer in WarCraft who meant to type ‘own’ (but you know, the p is next to the o, and I’m sure he/she was just excited to get to owning some n00bs. understandable mistake.)

Sidestory: When I was like 11 years old, I played a little Counter Strike with my cousins. (CS is a first person shooter game consisting of “terrorists” and “counter-terrorists” where you can play against other people online.) Of course I was not amazing, I was an 11 yr old girl, but I did kill my fair share of simulated terrorists. There were a couple times when I kind of owned a little. During those times I made sure to tell the person, who I eliminated, that they were owned by an 11 yr old girl. Good times.

You know, the joy of pwning comes from a desire for respect. People typically like getting respect. And I think people usually enjoy watching what they believe is justice being served. But people also dislike injustice. I hate watching movies where the wrong person gets owned – it hurts me too much… but that is for another post.

wow. What the heck. How is it so much more easy to write a 1000 word blog post than a 300 word paper? School needs to be Gladiatored/Dance Battled/First person shot. Seriously. pwned.

Ding Ddongs and Poo Tales

So I guess this blogging thing is going to become somewhat regular… I hope that the like 3 people that actually read my posts continue to do so. I write ONLY for you.

Ddong Chiem and some BDS

I attend school at a large university, and here, there is a pretty large Asian population. The church I attend has a great number of Korean members. So naturally, I am mistaken for being Korean a LOT. (Sidenote: my freshman year, a girl from my church small group kept talking to me in Korean, even when I told her that I did not understand what she was saying. She honestly thought I was kidding her… until she read my last name like a month after we met…) My Korean friend, Jane, and I decided to teach each other some phrases (she taught me Korean and I taught her Japanese). So during my time here, I have accumulated a few useful phrases and words, such as:

geureh (okay/yeah)

begopah (I’m hungry)

jugulle?? (You wanna die??)

BUT, the most important Korean word that I have probably ever learned is…
ddong (poop)

It is interesting the role that ddong plays in Korean culture. In case you are unaware, there is something called ddong chim/chiem (yeah, kinda like the chiem from my previous post). It literally means “poop needle” or “poo acupuncture”. It involves the act of forming your hands in the shape of something sharp, approaching an unsuspecting victim from behind, yelling “DDONG CHIEM!!”, and poking the victim hard in the bootay. This also exists in the Japanese culture. It is the same process, but instead of saying “ddong chiem” you say “KANCHO!!”. Yes, it is extremely unpleasant, but it is quite a common practice.

There are many other ways that the word ddong is used. Recently, I heard about something called “BDS”. BDS stands for: Burning Ddonggomong Sensation, or Burning Poohole Sensation (or as Jane calls it: Spicy Poo). You have experienced it at some time in your life, I promise. It could have been after eating a surplus amount of hot cheetos, some rough sloppy joes, etc. But it hurt, and you swore never to eat that food again… until its offered, then you eat it, and the cycle continues.

Stool Tales

I told my friend, Jerry, what the subject of my new blog post was. And he sent me this picture in hopes that I would use it. So I will.

If I had to guess, I would say that type 3 seems the most normal type of poop. But I don’t know… maybe “normal” is different for everyone. I just hope that type 7 is not normal for you. That would be horrible.

To be frank, I think poo is one of the most interesting things to talk about. One reason why is because EVERYONE understands, they have experienced it all too. Some people are very open about their fecal anecdotes, while others are more reserved and uncomfortable when it comes down to it. But I mean, it’s a completely natural process, so why not empathize with each other’s toilet woes? Recently, some friends and I were discussing poo stories and some of them were really interesting…

One friend was on his way going home from school which was 45 minutes away walking. He felt like he had a fart coming on, and he released. Unfortunately, it was not only a fart, but it also included something else – it was a shart. And he had to waddle into the library.

Oh Calvin… during high school, he had the sloppy joes for lunch. Delicious right? Well not long after eating, he urgently needed to go to the bathroom. He went into the far stall, believing that no one would use the stall right next to him. As he was gettin his business done, his (tall) friend walked in (because of his height, he was able to see Calvin’s face) and went into the stall right next to Calvin… During his 4 “waves” of type 5-7, his friend says: “Sloppy joes must have been bad, huh?” crap… (literally)

Another friend described his experience after coming home from a retreat. He was stuck in the bathroom for a looong while having 18 “waves” of diarrhea (probably types 6 and/or 7 from the chart)… he counted. Amazing. I don’t think I would be in my right mind to be able to count the waves…

My friend David, shared a traumatizing story from his elementary school days. He was taking a poop in a stall where the doors don’t go all the way down to the floor. While he was relieving himself, a special ed student came into the bathroom and crawled under the stall door so that he was standing inside the stall, just watching David poop…

Finally, I could not end this post without sharing some of Leo’s stories. Leo has poo stories of arguably the greatest quantity and quality. I will share a few of them here:

1. When he was in 6th grade, he was playing tennis with his brother while he was sick. He pooped his pants. He told me this story before I met him… GREAT first impression. We have been friends ever since.
2. While he was in his apartment, he pooped, fainted, and busted his lip. All while he was “buck naked”.
3. Leo was on a road trip with his family and his brother pooed his pants in the car. His parents then went on to tell Leo to take off his shirt. He was quite confused, but complied. They used his shirt to clean his brother’s poo… what sacrifice.

I know that almost everyone has a poop story. It’s really something that you don’t have to keep to yourself. So if you feel compelled, PLEASE share in a comment. If you are embarrassed, you do not have to write your name, but I think it would be nice to share some poo stories with one another. There is no story too lame or too gross. Seriously. Actually when I hear other people’s stories, my poo doesn’t seem too bad. These experiences are unique to you. Take pride in your poo mayn.

My friends went on a photo shoot today. I took a picture of them spelling ‘poop’ with their shadows. I also wrote a post on poop. If that’s not destiny, I don’t know what is.

“no pressure chiem”

That is what my friend, Leo, said about my first post. No pressure. It’s literally 4 am, and I am at the point where I am not sure whether or not I am thinking rationally. The thing is – I know I am going to look at this post tomorrow and regret it. Maybe I’ll delete it… maybe not.

So I think it would be appropriate to first define the word “gibber” because that is honestly what this blog is going to be like, and I want to warn you now.

gib-ber:

1. to speak inarticulately or meaninglessly.

2. to speak foolishly; chatter.

Much of this will be unintelligible and I will probably lower your IQ by 2.6 pts on average per post. Sorry about that.

In the spirit of new beginnings, I would like to propose a topic on creation… of words. If you think about it, the English language is pretty ridiculous. A lot of times it doesn’t make sense at all. And I ask myself: whaaa? who made that up? For example, the word ‘lamb’, or ‘conscious’, or ‘pneumonia’. But obviously (‘obviously’… that word is ridiculous too), someone had to make them up, and someone else had to agree it was a good word then use it, and so on and so forth. It spread and became widely known. That’s why they add words to the dictionary all the time. Wanna know some of them? Muggles, Gaydar, and my personal favorite: Grrrl. Look em up. It’s for real.

Unless you are familiar with the term 3HK, you were probably wondering what the word ‘chiem’ was. [edit] [EDIT again] Right now, the origin of chiem is very vague and controversial. One side claims that it began during the 2008 men’s swim season, the teammates used ‘chiem’ amongst themselves, with very sexual connotations. Then, it became more widely known. The other side claims that a group of male friends from my high school (who cleverly named themselves 3HK: 3 Harolds and a Kumar), came up with it in the second floor atrium. Perhaps I will do some investigation and reblog about this… Anyways, regardless of the origin, 3HK took the word ‘chiem’ used it for EVERYTHING. I would say that they were vital in the popularization of the word. (sidenote: interestingly enough, no matter what context the word ‘chiem’ is used in, people always seem to understand.)
“This is da good chiem.”
“You like this chiem??”
“Let’s do this chiem.”
“Look at these little chiems.”
“Chiem on!!”

Apparently, their “word” caught on, and soon after its birth I started hearing random people in my high school saying it. I cannot describe the phenomenon, that occurred, fully enough. It was nothing less than explosive, and I really mean that. Even though 3HK has graduated, the “chiem” lives on. I would not even be too surprised if I saw it in the dictionary in 6 years.

chiem:

1. the essence of this universe (As defined by one of the swim team originators.)

2. anything you want it to mean. (It is a hard thing to describe. My friend, from 3HK, describes this word as timeless and beautiful. It’s always evolving and it is fundamentally a telepathic-like phenomenon.)

In addition to this, my dear friend, Errn and I have (unknowingly) made our own word: shunana. Generally, we say it when we are frustrated or surprised or we don’t know the answer. It’s more of an exclamation. It is truthfully a part of our everyday vocabulary. And it brings great joy to our lives.

So I suppose the moral of the story is: do not underestimate the power of words. If you think you got a good word – use it. If people don’t understand, then you educate them. Create a chain of useless knowledge. Shout it out from a rooftop, use it in every single sentence, tell your mom, add it to urbandictionary.com if you have to. Who knows? Maybe it’ll be added to the next edition of The Oxford English Dictionary.
Good luck, chiem.

p.s. You are free to use ‘chiem’ and ‘shunana’ as you please.

p.p.s. This painting was made during a colloquium class in high school. The chiem has apparently also had an influence on art.

picture by Leo Lee