Stains, Slips, and Shorts

First things first. I was kind of disappointed with the superbowl commercials this year. But the top 2 were:

1. Doritos commercial where the kid slaps his mom’s date in the face:
   
2. The punch buggy commercial w/ Tracy Morgan and Stevie Wonder. LOL.
   

I think one of my favorite Superbowl commercials over the past few years was this one:

HAHA. yeah, if you know me, you’d probably figure I like that commercial. I think that commercial was from 2 years ago. Still great. Still great.

Who Wears Short Shorts?

So the weather has been sucking lately. It snowed a few inches here, but it is nothing compared to the 20-30 inches it snowed on the east coast. My uncle got 26 inches of snow. If you live in those areas, No school? No work? nice.

For some reason the condo place that I live at is bad at making sure the parking lot and sidewalks are safe. haha. There is one part of the sidewalk that is completely encased in ice. Similar to the whole parking lot as well. There are times when the parking lot is in prime drifting condition. I can not even tell you how many times I came close to falling and breaking a hip (several times).

I saw a few interesting things the first or second day the ice was here.

I was on my way to class and I just stepped off the bus. A girl was walking the opposite way as me and was trying to catch the bus I got off of. Suddenly, she FELL. And not just a slip on the butt fall, but a dramatic legs in the air fall.

Pretty much like this (but she was a girl).

Then she just got up and kept walking. I think if I had experienced the same fall, I would have sat there for at least 2 seconds in disbelief. But she literally kept going like it happens all the time. Perhaps it does. Perhaps. I didn’t laugh when it happened, but I thought about it later and it was pretty funny. She wasn’t hurt and it just looked ridiculous. I think that is chuckle worthy.

[sidenote: I'll tell you a fall story that happened to me today so you can laugh at me. I just got back to my place after what felt like a long day. Tyrus was waiting for me so we could go grocery shopping. I had my phone and ipod in my hands and I was hurrying to put my stuff down before we left. I tripped over Tyrus' shoes (which were illogically placed in my path), said WOAH, and face planted. Like not just whoops I fell. It was like BAM my face is flat on the floor. Tyrus just laughed at me -.- wow great cousinly support.]

That same day, I also saw a guy getting on the bus wearing above-the-knee shorts.

It was quite and interesting sight. Please don’t get too distracted by the fashionable models displaying trendy ‘dress shorts’. He was wearing shorts in length of probably between the first and second man. He was not quite as good looking though. Now mind you, it was COLD out. The strange thing was, he was wearing a jacket. Maybe not the warmest of winter coats, but it looked warm enough.

It would be pretty understandable if this man (I’ll call him Shorts) woke up this morning, and imagined he had somehow hibernated for the rest of winter and woke up during the summer. Which would cause him to dress in attire that is appropriate for warm weather (ex. t-shirt, sandals, sunglasses, above-the-knee shorts).

However, apparently he knew it was cold out because the rest of him was dressed for the cold: jacket, boots, etc. I really wonder what his intentions were when he selected his clothing for the day. Perhaps all of his pants were dirty, and Shorts being a germaphobe, refused to wear dirty pants causing him to wear his only clean form of legwear – above-the-knee shorts. Or I guess he can just like wearing these, obviously vogue, pant wear. I should have asked him about it… poo. Another missed opportunity.

I’ll keep this one short cause I anticipate another post soon. So, be careful in this cold cold weather. Don’t slip on the ice. And short shorts are IN.

Do As the Bahamians Do?

So I just got back from Paradise Island, Bahamas. My uncle got married and we stayed at the Atlantis. I had a fantastic time there. You should go. Really.

That’s where we stayed.

Don’t worry, I didn’t go on a Segway tour.

This trip was very relaxing. We had some good times, casinoing, going to the water parks and beach, swimming with dolphins, etc. But there was some crazy stuff going on as well and I learned a lot. So here, I have compiled a list of useful life lessons.

Things I learned in the Bahamas:

1. I will not bring my young children on vacation, specifically on vacations that require plane rides. I spent most of the plane ride home listening to multiple children scream. It was pretty intense. I wish I could do an impression for you right now. AAAHHHHWASASNLSKDNS.

2. Miami Vice = yum!

3. If you have $30 mil to spare, buy a yacht. There were some SICK yachts at the resort that have crews and everything. One morning, my uncle saw them scrubbing the steps with toothbrushes. I wouldn’t mind working on one of those yachts. My uncle told me to marry one of the owner’s sons. (I assume that the majority of the yacht owners are old men. But I could be wrong.) I considered it for like 15 seconds.

4. The legal age in the Bahamas is 18. Need I say more? Casino was fun.

5. Many people tend to wear bathing suits that do not fit correctly… yuck. Please don’t be one of them.

6. Don’t depend on getting fantastic customer service. At the airport in the Bahamas at the end of the trip my family went to get some Dunkin Donuts. They forgot to give one of my cousins his croissant sandwich and he brought this to their attention. They asked him if he still had his receipt and he couldn’t find it. Apparently they cannot go back and look at the copy of the receipt that they still have. So finally he found his receipt and gave it to the Dunkin Donuts person. They then proceeded to take their sweet time in making a bagel sandwich. When he told them that it’s not what he ordered, they said with attitude “Well that’s not what was on the ticket.” He then went on to say: Well, it’s about time (but not so nicely) and walked away, leaving his garbage on the table. It was much worse in person. haha, but there was really no need for the DD person’s attitude, considering they were the ones that messed up. Oh well. My aunt opened her DD bag and found an extra croissant sandwich (which she didn’t order). LOL.

7. Wear sunscreen on your ears in the Bahamas. My brother’s ears got rocked. He couldn’t touch them.

8. Never forget your camera. The Michael Jordan celebrity golf tournament was at the Atlantis the weekend we were there. And the one time I didn’t bring mine with, we walked past Johnny Damon in the casino and now there is no proof that I actually ever saw him…

9. Bacardi originated in the Bahamas. And 151 is gross.

10. Sometimes meals cost $300. Some of us went to the restaurant “Nobu”. Fancy Japanese food. It was delicious, but quite expensive. I tried to save my money. I only spent $65. But my cousin and his girlfriend spent about $300. My other cousin’s girlfriend, Sarah, ordered a fish and caviar dish which you could easily eat in 3 bites and it was about $30. $10 a bite. YUM? It’s okay i suppose, it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. We went to a different restaurant afterwards. haha.

11. There is no classy way to climb over a wall. My brother and cousin left me behind when walking back to where our room was (the area is surrounded by a 4 ft wall.) I looked, but could not find the stairs. I had no other choice. I had to climb over the wall. I looked both ways first to make sure no one was there. I hurt myself.
    
    AND last but not least… Want some drugs? Ask a cab driver.

The first night that my cousin was in the Bahamas, he decided to walk around the resort while everyone else was sleeping. While he was lookin around a cab driver approached him:

Cab driver: Hey what you looking for?
Tyrus: Oh nothing, I just couldn’t sleep.
Cab driver: You need some white or green?
Tyrus: Nah, I’m good.
Cab driver: I got some good cocaine. I’ll give you a quarter lb of weed for $100. I got some doobies. That’s a nice watch. What kind is it? I’ll give you somethin for that.

Later in the trip, my other cousin went to the straw market in Nassau. It’s basically a huge flea market. While they were walking around, a man in one of the booths told them to hold a couple pipes.

Man from the booth: You like those? You want some weed to go with em?

While the drugs may be easy to come by, you should beware. According to webehigh.com, the quality of weed found on Paradise Island (where we stayed) is terrible.

Webehigh.com seems like a pretty legitimate site. It basically compiles information concerning weed tolerance, etc of places all over the world. It’s kind of really funny.

Actually, their description of where to get “green” on Paradise Island is EXACTLY what happened to Tyrus:

“In the Atlantis – Walk through the casino away from the Royal towers. You will reach a circle of shops, stay to the right and exit towards the Marina and Marina village any time after 8 p.m. Look for the biggest blackest guys hailing cabs. They’ll immediately ask if you need a cab. Say no and linger and they’ll pull you aside and ask if you need some green or white. Sometimes the cab routine isn’t even used and they will just ask what you’re looking for.” -www.webehigh.com

Don’t get me wrong, smokin the bud (and taking cocaine) recreationally is still illegal in the Bahamas (and in the U.S. for that matter). It’s just interesting to see the differing levels of tolerance in different places… and they just don’t care as much in the Bahamas?

Anyways, I will leave you with this picture. My friend showed it to me once and told me that my bunny wants to snack on something other than lettuce and cilantro. HA.

Ima tell you one time.

So, I updated my page. I like this layout better.

I’m listening to the Justin Bieber cd. Good times. Me + You, ima tell you one time.

One phrase that I hear pretty often is “No news is good news.” Meaning that if you don’t hear anything, then it’s ALL GOOD. This is obviously not always true, unless all the news you get is bad news. But it does give people peace of mind.

I do have two examples, from my own life, that kind of illustrate the truthfulness of “No news is good news”. Actually, my examples don’t share a whole lot of correlation with the phrase, but that’s okay.

Bahama Drama

Reading this article scared me, considering I am going to Paradise Island this week. I almost wish I didn’t read it. Long story short, the woman who wrote this article was on a Segway tour and two of the tour groups got mugged by two men with shotguns. Note to self – don’t go on a Segway tour in the Bahamas. http://www.suntimes.com/news/world/1935870,TRA-News-robbed13.article

No news is good news here.

It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood? Yeah, only if you like being woken up at 9am because people are yelling.

My roommates and I live a relatively quite life at our apartment. No arguments, no hardcore dance parties, just the occasional tunes. Our surrounding neighbors have also been pretty quiet, which is pretty nice.

However, beginning like a week ago, there are different people living in the apartment below us. I hear “news” (or noise, actually) everyday. And it is not pleasing to my ears.

Thanks to our new neighborhood additions, I wake up every morning to the sound of them talking LOUDLY. It’s not just 2 people having a regular conversation, it’s yelling. But I can’t tell if they’re arguing or not. 9 am. Too early to be having a loud conversation. There is also a significant amount of just loud sounds like doors slamming or drawers closing. It sounds like they’re jumpin around down there.

AND punch me right in the kisser if I’m wrong, but I don’t think blasting music ALL DAY starting at 9 am is fun for everyone. Especially if it is not your own music choice. I literally can walk to different rooms in my apartment and hear different music playing from the people below us. I went into one of my roommate’s bathrooms, and heard some Owl City. Then I went into my cousin’s room and heard some BUMPIN bass. And I moved to the living room and heard some more jams percolating through the floor… [edit: our under-neighbors just got auto-tune. so they have been playin with that all day too.]

I haven’t even mentioned the partays that they have been throwing either. I thought the music was loud during the day, but the nights took it to a whole new level. Music, yelling, doors slamming. Literally, it happens every night. Actually, they are partying it up right now for sure. No joke.

Periodically my roommate comes into my room and says “Hey! Do you hear them now?”. I forgot my headphones at home… biggest mistake ever.

I don’t mean to be a buzz kill. I understand if they are having a good time. That’s fine. I like when people have a good time. My roommates and I play loud music sometimes. It’s just a little bit too much. If it was only the loud music, or only the loud talking, or only the parties or only the jumping – it would be cool. I can deal with that, but ALL of it combined is just a bit overwhelming.

You know, the part that hurts the most is that they don’t even invite us to their parties. That would be considerate of them, to ask us to join them, even if they did it so we wouldn’t call the cops. Perhaps I will introduce myself to them, then we’ll become best friends, and throw parties together. That would be nice.

People who live below us: I hope you’re reading this right now, and I understand that you like to have a good time. I am glad for this. I just hope you will consider including my roommates and I in your next shenanigan. I’m sure we will have great fun together. Thanks.

So be a good neighbor. Invite the people who live above you to your parties.

By the way, this is what my neighbors and I will look like when they invite us over.

p.s. notice how everyone in this picture is pretty good looking with the exception of this fellow to the left. It is also interesting to see who every person is looking at… like the guy on the right is definitely checkin out the girl on the left, but the girl on the left is havin some chemistry with the blonde. Then, the guy on the left hand side (the creeper) seems to be carefully examining the bone structure of the other man. fun times.

This is The Situation

My parents absolutely refuse to get cable for our TV. They think it will cause my brother and I to hibernate in front of the endless hours of senseless shows (granted, this is probably true).

And that we will become antisocial and obese. Well, they didn’t exactly state it like that, but they don’t see any good in getting it… which doesn’t make sense to me considering they LOVE shows like: Entourage, Dexter, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Mad Men, anything on the Food Network, etc. [side note: my parents like kinda young shows, right? I enjoy these shows as well, but I would never watch Entourage with them - awkward] Not to mention there is a constant flow of CSI/Law and Order, which my mom makes a point to watch like once a week on our basic channels. (p.s. She still records shows via VHS. haha so old school. I told her that went out of date 15 years ago.)

If you ask me, I don’t understand what the big deal is about buying cable if they enjoy these kinds of shows and they pay to rent the DVDs anyways.  PLUS, my grandmother misses ESPN (no joke) and she even offered to pay for it. How can you deny a dear elderly lady her sports?

Needless to say, I enjoy the television aspect of being at school. I love me some good TLC and BET, among other channels.

Beat the Beat

I have to admit, I have a guilty pleasure… It’s called: Jersey Shore. And literally, everyone that I have discussed this show with either LOVE it, or haven’t seen it. In case you are not familiar, the MTV show is about 8 Italian Americans, who consider themselves “guidos” or “guidettes”. They put 4 guys and 4 girls into the same house, and they spend the summer working and partying on the Jersey Shore.

The cast (most of them have great nicknames):

Bottom row (left to right)

1. Vinny (I like him, but they don’t give him much airtime due to his lack of doing crazy things.)
2. DJ Pauly D (He keeps a tanning bed in his house)
3. Ronnie (I really like him, seems like a nice guy. But I would never want to get into a fight with him. for sure. He is also a crazy dancer. hahah.)
4. Sammi “Sweetheart” (She has some serious issues, definitely not a sweetheart.)

Top row (left to right)

1. Angelina (she left the show, which is fine. I didn’t like her anyways)
2. Jenni “J-WOWW” (haha, for some reason I like her. She seems kinda cool.)
3. Nicole “Snooki” (One of the most annoying people ever, but SO entertaining. It’s hilarious. She’s 4′ 9″.)
4. Mike “The Situation” (lol. Best nickname ever. He lifts up his shirt to reveal his abdomen area and proceeds to tell any ladies who are present: “So this is the situation here.” And I guess he gets a positive response from that. He also talks about himself in the 3rd person, referring to himself as “the situation”.)

I think part of what makes this show so interesting is it’s surprise factor. It has really opened my eyes to the “guido” culture. I have had no prior knowledge of this. Yes, they have pretty deep Italian roots. But they also do other things that I was completely unaware of. For example, they value the art of what they call GTL: gym, tanning, laundry. Apparently the three together, in a routine, create the ultimate look.

A lot of times, I watch the show and think “WHAAT ARE THEY DOING?” It’s great.

This show is really one of the trashiest things I have ever seen. But it’s amazing. My cousin related Jersey Shore to crack. You know it’s not good for you, but you can’t help but want it after you get a taste. It’s true. Seeing people arguing over stupid things, partying, and dancing – or what they call “Beating the Beat” is great. (as seen below)

Yeah, next time I go to the club, I know what I’m gonna be doing. I’ll be beating the beat Jersey Shore style baby.

I wish I could tell you about everything that has happened in the show. It’s crazy. Like one time, they all went out to a local bar and were taking some shots and having a good time. Then, some other guy at the bar starts taking their shots that they ordered. Snooki gets upset and tells him (probably not politely) that if he wants to take shots, then he needs to pay for his own. This man proceeds to punch her in the face.

[side note: Due to it's controversy, the part where she gets punched is edited out of the actual episode. But they did show it in a preview the week before] It was beyond ridiculous. He really hit her hard. Here’s a little remix of it in case  you want to see (oh and you get a flash of Pauly D at the end):

She was definitely on the floor crying after that. But in case you are genuinely worried about her, she’s fine and the guy got arrested.

There are no words to fully describe this phenomenon of a show. hah. It’s intriguing. Though I do know some people from New Jersey who are embarrassed that their whole state is being represented by these kids. I encourage you to watch at least one episode, and if you’re not hooked… then you probably have a more sophisticated taste in entertainment than me. Sorry. (By the way, I do not condone the behavior shown on the show. But it does result in some great MTV material.)

Moral: Buy some cable and watch trashy tv shows. It makes for a mediocre blog post.

Resolute THIS.

I hope everyone had a lovely holiday!

So I got a lot of goodies for Christmas, and it was a lot of fun. But I wanted to show you one thing that my mom got me. She ordered custom bars from some website and called them “Mar’s Bars”. lol. I thought it was pretty funny and I decided I had to show it on the MarsBarss blog.

So here it is. It’s pretty delicious, but no surprise there. Anyways, that’s all for that. On to the rest of the post!

Resolutions = FAIL

Happy 2010! The “New Year” event is really an interesting one. It’s a start to many things: texting while driving is now illegal throughout Illinois, New Year babies make the news, and resolutions are made. Numerous people decide to make resolutions every year, beginning at 12am on January 1st. These are the top 10 most popular New Year’s resolutions:

1. Lose Weight (need I say more?)
2. Spend More Time with Family and Friends (instead of spending time by yourself I assume?)
3. Quit Smoking (smokers are jokers)
4. Start Exercising
5. Quit Drinking (how ironic that many celebrate the New Year with a glass of champagne… fail)
6. Get Out of Debt (because it’s just that easy! Ask Peter Francis Geraci.)
7. Save For Retirement
8. Buy a Home
9. Go Back to School
10. Get Organized (uhhh. sure.)

Aside from the fact that the majority of New Year’s resolutions actually fail – really, if you are serious about making a change, it shouldn’t revolve around a holiday. AND many people try to change all at once (for example, quitting something cold turkey, or trying to run a marathon the first day you hit the gym). If you can make that work for you, then good for you. Please share your secrets to life.

But if you are human, then doing that would probably be difficult. And failing at your New Year’s resolution would make you feel just a bit more like a failure. Who needs a little more depression in their lives? Please raise your hand. Not me.

I don’t enjoy failing. It’s not fun. I prefer to own.

Non-Resolutions?

So instead of setting myself up for failure, by making a New Year’s change, I have made myself a different kind of resolution – some New Year’s non-changes. Put simply, I made a list of things I will NOT change this year. I think this will significantly increase my chance of actually succeeding in keeping my resolution.

1. Keep pulling all-nighters during finals week. (throw-up free)
2. Enjoy awkward interactions (many times, I create them)
3. Remain in School (that would suck if I screwed this one up.)
4. Keep Eating (this one is almost fool proof)
5. Forget to call home sometimes (my mom won’t like this one. but man, sometimes it just happens. plus, they’ll just miss me more for the time when I actually do call.)
6. Continue writing this blog (even when I have craploads of work to do.)
7. Don’t stop having conversations about poop. (these are very important to the development of interpersonal relations)
8. Keep taking lots of pictures. (ya, I can do this I think.)
9. Watch trashy t.v. shows (oh Jersey Shore, you make this possible.)
10. Drink slurpees whenever I am at home [side note: Seriously, when I live at school, the closest 7-11 is 91.7 miles away. ridiculous right? I actually looked this up on the 7-11 website. I need to open one myself. Who doesn't love a sweet, cool, and refreshing beverage on a hot or stressful day? You know what I'm talking about. Indulge while you can.]

So yes, I hope I am successful in these endeavors. (Actually, I already had a slurpee this year. And I feel FANTASTIC.) I strongly encourage you to make a New Year’s non-resolution list too. You’ll feel great when you accomplish them. It’ll up your awesome-factor. Nothin better than that yo. Best way to start the new year.

I want to keep this post a bit shorter, but I want to leave you with this guy. I have been watching some of his videos lately… and I have no words to describe the kind of work he does. Let the video speak for itself. (the song starts at about 0:45) Oh, and watch the whole thing. The beatboxing at the end makes it all worth it.

Sweet Woes Innocence

Hello all. Sorry for the long blog vacation that I took. I had finals and what nots. GOOD times… not.

I did not throw up as I expected (I mentioned this possibility in the last post). I suppose that should be considered a success.

Home Sweet Home

I figure most of my posts have been about disgusting things, so I’ll do something different. I go to a school that’s about 2-3 hours away from my home. I don’t drive (thats another story) and the bus is expensive, so I go home for special occasions and breaks.

I like going home. One reason for this is because when I go home, everyone enjoys my company (or they pretend to enjoy it). I see many people that I have not seen in awhile and they always say “OH Mari! How are you?? It has been a long time. I had such a hard time living without you. I could not breathe without your presence” or something along those lines.

My family makes delicious meals for me, or they take me out for food that I do not have access to at school: Superdawg, Tre Kroner (Ander’s Hash wassup), Lou Mal’s, etc. And I make many plans with the multitude of friends that I have (bahah).

It’s fun to just hang with the family and friends, school the brother in UFC, being fed constantly, etc. You know, just the same old stuff.

Christmas Woes

So, my familay celebrates Christmas. And something that I have to jam in during the 5 days of time between when I get home from school and before Christmas, is holiday shopping.

This year, while shopping I heard a man say to his spouse “You know, I love Christmas, but I hate shopping.” I chuckled to myself. How true it is. Sometimes it is quite hard to decide what to get someone, or you don’t know for sure whether or not you are exchanging presents with someone else (it can be quite awkward if they get you a present, but you get nothing for them), your empty bank account, or even just the numerous procrastinators flooding stores the few days before Christmas. I am one of those procrastinators. It can be quite an ordeal.

I read an article in my high school microeconomics class about the best gift to give someone. Cash money. The reason is that many times, the gifts that you get people are almost always undervalued. Meaning, if you get someone a sweater for $40, they will most likely think it is worth less than that. Even gift cards are inconvenient for a person to receive. Really, the only way to get a gift for someone that is economically efficient and will almost always be appreciated – is to give cash. Think about ALL the money you would have and how much happier you would be if all those not-so-great presents you got were all replaced with cash. LOT of money. But, to be fair, a few people appreciate the sentimental value above all and would rather have a home made gift than money. Think about it. Consider it.

This is an ad that some bank made, I believe. I understand it, it makes a good point. It seems to chronicle some bad gifts that someone has gotten throughout their life. BUT, I don’t understand how that little boy turns into an old woman? what?

Loss of my Innocence

The other day I was talking with my cousins and aunt and we were discussing when we found out that Santa was not real. [Oh, and if you still believe Santa is real...I'm just kidding. He's for real.]

I remember when I discovered this very clearly. I was 8 years old (3rd grade) and I believe it was a pleasant day out. Our teacher was reading us the book: Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing

Have you read it? DON’T. It’s a ruiner of dreams.

Anyways, in this book the main character discusses the time when he found out that Santa was actually his dad. After reading that section, my teacher then proceeded to say: “You guys don’t still believe in Santa, do you?”

To which the majority of the class replied “Nooooo”. My little 8 year old heart broke that day. I sat in my seat surprised as the story reading continued. When I went home after school that day, I bothered my mom about it until she admitted that he wasn’t real. (She was pretty upset that my teacher told us he wasn’t real.)

I didn’t know it at the time, but that was the day my innocence was lost. It just went downhill from there, shortly after that day, I stopped believing in magic, the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, Pokemon, fairy godmothers, Hogwarts, etc. Like I said, the end of my innocence. Very sad time in my life.

If I could travel back to the past to that fateful day, I would tackle my 8 year old self before I went to school or I would punch myself in the face, so I wouldn’t hear the reading of the book. I would let the magic last forever. Who wouldn’t want to believe in all those goodies? TELL ME. WHO? [sidenote: I just watched Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. You should check it out. That movie is real magical.]

So my advice to all you mature people out there, don’t tell the young ones that Santa (tooth fairy, easter bunny, pokemon, etc.) isn’t real. You may not be able to see it, but inside, their soul cries a little when they realize the magic isn’t real. Do you want to be  responsible for the loss of that child’s innocence?

I didn’t think so.

Wait until they’re 14 at least. Then you can make fun of them for believing for so long. It’s a win/win situation! They get their whole childhood believing that they’ll catch a Squirtle or that they’ll get a letter from Hogwarts, and you get the final laugh. woo woo.

With all that being said. Have a lovely, magic-filled holiday.

Finals = peepantsthrowup

So my bathroom smells like seasoned salt. I have no idea why. But I love seasoned fries. And it kinda smells like that. So it’s all good.

School sucks pretty bad right now. Most of the reason why it sucks is my fault… too many classes skipped, procrastination, etc. Now I have a crapload of exams and a project due next week. WOO. and I decided to spend my sweet time blogging. But, because of the hectic schedule, this one is gonna be short and there won’t be an update for a couple weeks probably.

Today I went to class so tired. I got there a little early, so as I sat there waiting for class to start, I was eavesdropping. There were 3 girls sitting in front of me and talking quite loudly. They thought that the exam for our class was in a couple days and I continued to listen (knowing that our exam is actually next week) and let them sweat it out a little. They must have been really anxious about this because one of the girls said “I am gonna pee my pants if the exam is this week!!” OH YEAH? Man, she was THAT worried that she would publicly embarrass herself. That’s pretty crazy.

I thought that was kind of a weird thing to say. Usually when people make references to peeing in their pants, its because they are laughing very hard at something. But it’s cool, she can use it for when she’s anxious.

Then I continued to listen… they finally realized that the exam was not this week and went on to talk of other things. I believe they were talking about a party or something, and the same girl said “I AM JUST GOING TO PEE ALL OVER MYSELF!!”

whaaa? I think this second exclamation was a little too graphic for me. the ‘all over myself’ part was just too much. Like… come on. Be realistic. At least if someone tells a joke and I say I’m gonna pee my pants, its kind of (but sometimes really is) true.

Wouldn’t that suck if she was telling the truth though? LOL. Like if she really pees herself when she’s anxious or when she is excited? It would ruin every good moment…

OR make it funnier?

Christmas is coming soon!! …PEE

Will you marry me?? …PEE

Fergie peed her pants during a live concert! …PEE

Yeah, I think I would be very sad if I had that problem. I would also have to wear diapers 24/7 considering I get excited about a lot of things.

I guess I can kind of understand where this girl is coming from. When I think about my exam schedule next week, I say that I want to throw up. Which is also pretty disgusting. But I kind of actually do want to throw up when I think about it… I’m sure you know what I mean: No sleep, take out food, 5 hour energy drinks, pages and pages of notes that you cannot retain… VOMIT.

Yeah, it might actually happen. I might actually spend some time beside the porcelain king as he swallows the remains of a Monster and my Jimmy John’s sandwich. [side note: I hope you don't have a bad gag reflex. And I really hope that reading this does not make you throw up. That would be terrible.]

So as finals approach, I wish you all the best of luck. I would like nothing more than to hear that you aced em all (without peeing your pants/throwing up). But if you do end up soiling yourself, don’t worry – it happens. (And be sure to share every rancid detail with me. I’ll put it in the next blog.)

The Hierarchy Headlock

I would like to start by saying that I am writing this post from a Starbucks. I went along with Tyrus to work because I get so bored at home. He made me some fancy drink like an egg nog chai or something. It was yum. So, I’m feelin kinda artsy and creative sitting here. Thus I shall begin.

I like to create some sort of link between my posts, just so there’s a sense of continuity. And I wanted to branch off a little bit from owning, I think an appropriate topic would be: bullies. Everyone knows of one, whether you were bullied or not. Perhaps you were the bully. Grammar school – stealing lunch money and pudding… those were the days.

Apparently, bullying is a huge problem nowadays, especially in schools. They actually made a game centered around bullying. It is creatively titled:
Bully.

The game is created by Rockstar Games (same guys who made Grand Theft Auto). Basically in this Bully game you play Jimmy who, at the beginning of the game, is dropped off at a boarding school. Everyone there wants to beat him up, so he has no choice but to fight back. And the purpose of the game is to become the head honcho of the school by bullying. Interesting. He even gets to use weapons like itching powder, a slingshot, and eventually a bottle rocket launcher. Nice.

Yeah, I wouldn’t mind trying this game out sometime, just to see what it’s like. It has been pretty controversial, and it’s banned in some countries. But I think, if kids can channel their aggression into a game rather than other children, then its a win. BUT, then again, this game is rated Teen – meaning that the teens who are channeling their aggression into this game have probably already beat up/bullied dozens of kids already and maybe this game is just giving them more ideas. Maybe. I think I read somewhere that Jimmy is also supposed to kiss other guys in the game as well…

SO in conclusion, it really seems like a quality quality game for children.

My Glory Days

Some of you may know this already, but as a young me, I was a bully. No joke. There were several people I beat up during my childhood. The victims of the beatings were always boys. But I’m pretty sure I was mean to girls too. For example, my family tells me that when I was a youngin (prob about 3), I always hit my cousin Kai (who is a year older than me). Along with hitting him with my hands on a regular basis: one time I pushed him down and he hit his head on the corner of a coffee table. Another time, I hit him hard over the head with a telephone.

One word: hardcore. He still lives in fear to this day.

I also used to hang out with some family friends from the neighborhood. One day, when I was probably about 4 or 5, a couple of my guy buddies came over for a play date, while the parents chatted in the other room. I didn’t like how one of them pet my cat, so naturally, I proceeded to throw him to the ground. lol. [I remember this clearly in my mind.] I felt completely justified in my actions.

Then the two boys proceeded to threaten me, explaining that they would tell on me. Then I, in order to escape this event, said “sorry”. Then one of them said to me “sorry is not good enough”. Now I don’t know where he learned that line, but I know in my head I was thinking “This is ridiculous. WTH? Sorry isn’t enough??” Well it was not those words exactly, but it was something like that.

That was the closest I ever got to being an MMA fighter.

Now these are just a few stories (I also used to take toys from other kids in preschool and I would also scare my cousin Jenny, every chance I got. We also actually have a home video of my other cousin, Nick, saying “MARI, DON’T HIT ME”). My parents were pretty embarrassed with my actions. I’m sure they thought that my actions reflected the quality of their parenting.

Those were my glory days. Luckily, for my parents, this phase was temporary. Since then, I have calmed down quite a bit. I think all of my aggression was utilized that time. Now, I very rarely get into verbal arguments with others, let alone physical fights. [But I have always wondered how well I would do if I got into a fight. Perhaps the inner beast would awaken and I would own.]

If YOUR child is the bully:

One thing I find interesting is that all of the special ABC and PBS programs on bullying describe how to protect your own child from a bully. And I understand there is a need for that information. But what are you supposed to do if your child is a bully? Like my parents situation. They weren’t terrible parents. They definitely did everything they could. But my pwn-like nature was just too overwhelming.

My theory is that I lost my desire to own everyone because… my parents had my brother. He was born when I was almost 4. It took a little time for me to be completely subdued. But I did stop bullying eventually. I believe my bulliness peaked before he was born, then slowly declined. I no longer had to prove my dominance over my peers, but now I actually have legitimate authority over at least one person forever: my brother.

I don’t even need to bully him to prove it. I just know it deep down within.

I’ll always be higher on the ‘food chain’:  the straight flush to his high card, the Friday night to his Monday morning, the flash drive to his floppy disk, the Charizard to his Bulbasaur, put plainly – I will always have him in a hierarchy headlock. And you can take that to the bank.

So my advice to people with children that are bullies: have more kids. (and hope that those children are not bullies as well)

p.s. Please don’t take my advice seriously. That might be a disaster. Thanks.

Let’s Friend Each Other. k?

Yesterday I got a new phone. I really like it with its touch screen and all. It’s pretty fancy compared to the first cell phone I had in 7th grade with its black and green screen and had “snake” on it. I kind of miss those old snake days… good game.  good times. Now I can surf the web and explore goodies like that.

Within the past 10 years, technology has advanced so much, it’s pretty ridiculous. People have found other ways to communicate. It’s no longer calling someone up on the phone or meeting for ice cream at the corner. We have things like Xanga, myspace, facebook, etc.  I participated in xanga during like 6-8th grade. And I deleted it last year because I was so embarrassed about the things I have written. -.- I am sad that I actually deleted it now. I wanted to look back on the lost loves and seemingly terrible times, and be able to laugh at myself. That was incriminating stuff. I have a friend (a dance battling one…) that actually wrote poems on his xanga. cute. [although they were actually kind of emo]

People using the internet hide many things that they feel are undesirable traits. When you hide behind your computer screen, you’re safe. Which is why you feel more comfortable talking to some certain people on aim rather than on the phone or in person. You can look as crappy as you want and no one would know (unless you are video chatting). It is a great time.

You know, it’s interesting because people try to create themselves in a positive light using things like facebook and myspace. You only use attractive or funny pictures as your profile (although some prefer the ‘dreamy’ self portraits, or mirror shots as shown):

These are pretty extreme examples. [I did not take/participate in the creation of these pictures. I just googled "typical myspace picture" and these came up. lol.] I actually feel kind of embarrassed looking at these. What have the teenagers of this world become? sigh. I guess folding your shirt up and sticking out your tongue with your girlfriends, then taking a picture of it in the bathroom, is the new attractive…

Unfriends

You know, one reason why I like technology is because it has become so accessible to everyone and it’s a norm. It’s completely normal to sign up for a networking website in which you can list your interests, contact info, connect with people you kind of don’t know. I won’t lie. I have a Facebook. And I am friends with some people who I don’t know well. Hopefully they won’t rob me.

Facebook claims that it is, above all, a “social networking website”. And yes, I use facebook to socially network. I’m sure some of you have added some acquaintances that you have met once or twice. There is nothing wrong with that.

Except, one time, I was facebook friends with this one girl. We met a couple times, but we were by no means main squeezes. We had a lot of friends in common though, and she decided to request my friendship on facebook – so I accepted. Once in a while I would take a look at her facebook page. You know, see what she’s been up to lately… see if there’s a new profile picture, look at the recent statuses, check some wall-to-walls (just kidding). One day, I thought I might check up on her. So I went to her facebook page, and I was denied access. I was so confused, until I realized… she had un-friended me. Saddest day ever. Why would anyone not want to be friends with me?? Did I forget to ‘like’ your new photo album or wish you a happy birthday along with the gazillion other people on facebook that day? boo.

This incident kind of hurt my feelings. But I think I have somewhat recovered from this vicious rejection.

Facebook Addict?

Did you know that the New Oxford American Dictionary announced its 2009 Word of the Year? You wanna know what it is? unfriend. (personally I have always used the term ‘defriend’, and people have been debating this. but thats another story)

This goes to show how central online social networking has become in our lives. Apparently we can be addicted to facebook now as well.

These are the 5 signs of facebook addiction. Let me know how you measure up:

1. You are losing sleep because of it
2. You spend more time of facebook than you intend
3. You become obsessed with old loves (you become so obsessed that you leave current relationships, etc)
4. You ignore work in favor of facebook
   AND, my personal favorite:
5. The thought of logging off leaves you in a cold sweat

Here is the video describing the 5 signs in case you are interested.

Honestly, I have probably done like 3 or 4 out of these five signs. Stupid cold sweats… I’m pretty sure almost everyone who uses facebook regularly has at least one time postponed their work or sacrificed a bit of sleep for 10 more minutes of facebook, which they didn’t “intend” when they first logged in. Apparently, I am addicted to facebook. crap. I’ll be posting times soon for some FBA meetings (facebook anonymous). It’ll give you a chance to ’socially network’ with other facebook addicts. woo. (Then you can friend them when you get home.)

Everyone Loves a Good PWN

Wake up in the morning feelin like P Diddy
Grab my glasses, I’m out the door – I’m gonna hit this city

That song is stuck in my head. So catchy.  tik tok – ke$ha
It’s not really quality music… like I am pretty sure I could have made this song just as good, but it makes me want to dance in place. That’s always a plus.

POOP (continued for a bit)

I got some great feedback from my last post on poo. I am so glad to hear that people are just as interested as I am in this subject. Thanks to everyone who shared their stories with me! It made the post da best. FRRL.  I wanted to share one story that I heard after the post was made:

When my friend, Kim, was much younger she was swimming in a pool. All of a sudden, she had the urge to #2. Thinking it was a little one, she proceeded to “go” while she was still in the pool. No one would notice. She turned around and saw a LOG (approx. 1ft long) floating in the water. She picked up her poo log, got out of the pool, and carried it over to a recycling bin. She threw the poop in the bin and then jumped back in the pool. Like nothing happened. What would you do if you pooped in a pool? Pick it up and throw it out in the nearest recycling receptacle? I would hope so.

She also informed me about something called “fecal bacteriotherapy” aka fecal transfusion/fecal transplant. Basically someone donates their poop that is to be injected into someone else’s booty… amazing. Not even I thought of something like that.

OWNED. thus begins the new post.

There is something that I realized while watching movies of various types (and living life). I enjoy watching people get owned.

owned:

1. literal: belonging to oneself or itself (usually used after a possessive to emphasize the idea of ownership, interest, or relation conveyed by the possessive)
2. urbandictionary: To be made a fool of; To make a fool of; To confound or prove wrong; embarrasing someone: Being embarrassed. I owned you in counter-strike. You were owned at the party yesterday.

It’s not that I don’t sympathize with people, I really do. But sometimes you just can’t help it when you see someone get what you think they deserve.

Do you watch movies? I hope so. There are some pretty good ones. Anyways, I was trying to think of a good ‘owning’ example. GLADIATOR. I actually saw this movie this past summer for the first time. amazing.

In case you have never seen this movie, this is a quick summary [SPOILER ALERT]:
So Russell Crowe is a general of a Roman army whom Emperor decides to appoint as the next leader (instead of the emperor’s son, Joaquin Pheonix). When Joaquin finds this out he get pissed, kills his own father the emperor, and orders the execution of Russell and his family. Russell, because of his cleverness escapes (without Joaquin knowing), but his family dies. Some time later in Rome, Joaquin hosts the gladiator games. Russell, ends up in Rome as a gladiator – designed to be killed for show. But he totally OWNS in the games. And Joaquin (the new emperor) is impressed, so he comes down to meet this amazing ‘gladiator’. Russell (Maximus) reveals his identity. This is one of my favorite parts (you can start watching at like 1:15):

“My name is Maximus Demicus Meridius… and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.”
Then the emperor wants to kill Russell (Maximus) but he can’t because the people of Rome want him to live. OWNED. (also, Maximus kills the emperor in the end. DOUBLE OWNED. sorry if I ruined it for you). [end of spoilerrr]

Here’s another short, easy example:

She gets OWNED by the ground… trying to be cool and all. I don’t know, maybe you feel really bad for her instead. I mean, someone can get owned without it being funny I guess. But that is usually not the case. Normally, its pretty funny when someone gets owned. I do feel kind of bad… but my laugh reflex is much stronger when I watch this 10 times in a row. Don’t judge me please.

Dance Battling & PWNing

When you ‘own’ you could also just be AMAZING at something. That works. I LOVE watching dance battles. really. Have you seen Stomp the Yard? lol, probably not a prime example. But the first dance battle is pretty sick. You are not required to watch, but it enhances the experience. (sorry. video overload today. and yes, the video is in spanish. lol)

In order to battle successfully, or own in general, I feel like you need to have a LOT of confidence. For example, my friend Doug, believes that he OWNS at dancing. lol. forreal.

Doug: “sorry mari, i don’t know mercy on the dance floor.”

Apparently, back in the day he was the dance king at the local college town bars. He claims he is undefeated (unowned). I, personally, have never seen him dance battle – but I would like to. And he also threatened to kill my bunny Godfather style. So if you wanna do some battling – challenge Doug. pwn him please.

Oh, by the way, the word ‘pwn’ has its origins in the pc gaming world. Pwn basically means the same thing as ‘own’. It was a typo made by a map designer in WarCraft who meant to type ‘own’ (but you know, the p is next to the o, and I’m sure he/she was just excited to get to owning some n00bs. understandable mistake.)

Sidestory: When I was like 11 years old, I played a little Counter Strike with my cousins. (CS is a first person shooter game consisting of “terrorists” and “counter-terrorists” where you can play against other people online.) Of course I was not amazing, I was an 11 yr old girl, but I did kill my fair share of simulated terrorists. There were a couple times when I kind of owned a little. During those times I made sure to tell the person, who I eliminated, that they were owned by an 11 yr old girl. Good times.

You know, the joy of pwning comes from a desire for respect. People typically like getting respect. And I think people usually enjoy watching what they believe is justice being served. But people also dislike injustice. I hate watching movies where the wrong person gets owned – it hurts me too much… but that is for another post.

wow. What the heck. How is it so much more easy to write a 1000 word blog post than a 300 word paper? School needs to be Gladiatored/Dance Battled/First person shot. Seriously. pwned.